If you ever meet, for the love of God, DON'T EVER
by 11chiyochan
Summary: You've just been invited to meet the cast from the show InuYasha! But you don't know how to act around them. Fear not, this guide will tell you everything NOT to do when you meet your favourite characters! So now, for the love of God, DON'T TRY THESE!
1. Chapter 1: If you meet InuYasha

**Laura:** Here's fanfic number 2, peoples!

**Fullmetalshadowwolf:** I helped out with this one. Woohoo!

**Laura:** Yeah, my friend here, **fullmetalshadowwolf**, did help me with this fanfic. Although I wouldn't really call it a fanfic, it's more like a spoof…

**Fullmetalshadowwolf:**Actually it's a one-shot.

**Laura:** Oh, whatever! Point is, it's my second story! It's supposed to be a funny guide to what NOT to do when you meet a character from InuYasha.

**Fullmetalshadowwolf:** Yeah. I enjoyed the part when we came up with things that would annoy the hell out of InuYasha. (evil laughter)

**Laura:** Ignore her. She's an evil and twisted soul.

**Fullmetalshadowwolf:** Only on the inside. Mwahahahaha! Go Fullmetal Alchemist!

**Laura:** Oi! Remember this is an InuYasha fic, not an FMA one!

**Fullmetalshadowwolf:** B-b-but…I love FMA! Especially Edward…(blushes)

**Laura****:****…**What was that?

**Fullmetalshadowwolf:** Umm, aah…(blushes harder) Forget you ever heard that!

**Laura:** O-kaaaaaaaaaay…I'll try to. Anyway, read on and enjoy!

**Fullmetalshadowwolf:** Or Edward Elric will come into your room at night and beat you up!

**Laura:** I'm warning you…

**Fullmetalshadowwolf:** Gah! I'm sorry! I mean _InuYasha_ will come and beat you up!

**Laura:** That's better.

* * *

1. If you ever meet InuYasha, for the love of God, **DON'T EVER…**

2. Pull on his ears.

3. Squeal like a fangirl.

4. Dye his hair pink while he sleeps.

5. Pierce his ears while he sleeps.

6. Give him a manicure while he sleeps.

7. Ask him how Kikyo is doing.

8. Ask him if he's killed Naraku yet.

9. If he hasn't, recommended Sesshomaru for the job.

10. Tell him Totosai called and that he wants his sword back.

11. Buy him a pair of shoes.

12. Ask him if he wears underwear.

13. If not, give him a pair of boxers with imprints of Sesshomaru, Naraku and Koga on them.

14. Ask him to play fetch.

15. Insist that cats are better than dogs.

that wolves are better than dogs.

17. Steal his Tetsuaiga.

18. Play with his Tetsuaiga.

19. Hit him on the head with his Tetsuaiga.

20. Say 'Wind Scar' whilst holding his Tetsuaiga.

21. Tie a bright pink, frilly bow onto the Tetsuaiga.

22. Point behind him and shout, "Look! It's Naraku!"

23. Ask him if he's got the hots for Sango.

24. Say his kimono makes him look fat.

25. Say that Koga makes a better partner for Kagome.

26. Insist that Sesshomaru has a better sword than him.

27. Insist that Sesshomaru is the true wielder of the Tetsuaiga.

28. Give Naraku the Tetsuaiga.

29. Steal his clothes while he's at the hot springs.

30. Sell his stolen clothes on E-Bay.

31. When he's human, poke him constantly.

32. Call him a half-breed.

33. Every time Naraku appears, grab him and squeal "Save me, InuYasha!"

34. Ask him if he likes Scooby Snacks.

35. Say he'd look way cooler with a tail.

36. Try to make him cross dress.

37. Yell out, "SIT!" at every opportunity.

38. Ask him to come to your school for show and tell.

39. Offer him spicy curry.

40. Eat Ramen while he eats the curry.

41. Ask him to go full-demon and kill all your enemies.

42. Insult Kagome in front of him.

43. When 'nature calls' to him, hide in the bushes and spy on him.

44. Ask him if he's proposed to Kagome yet.

45. Insult him by telling him over and over that Naraku has lots more jewel shards than him.

46. Say that Shippo's a better fighter than him.

47. Ask him whether he likes Kagome or Kikyo better.

48. Show him InuxSess yaoi fanfics.

49. Show him InuxSess yaoi pictures.

50. Show him KagxSess fanfics.

51. Show him KagxSess pictures.

52. Ask him to be a live model for a game of 'Pin the Anger Mark on the pissed Half-Demon.'

53. Spray 15 different types of perfume in the room that he's in to see if his nose will explode.

54. Ask him to take a bath.

55. Show him pictures of cosplayers.

56. Super glue his Tetsuaiga to the inside of its sheath.

57. Insist that he can't use his sword properly and that he needs more practice.

58. Emphasise 57 by pointing out that he can't even take his sword out of the sheath (see 56).

59. Get him to watch the anime series 'InuYasha.'

60. Tell him that Miroku's been making out with Kagome.

61. Ask him if you can have a piggyback.

62. If you manage that, pull on his ears and insist that he's not running fast enough.

63. Tell him that you know how to get the Beads of Subirrigation off (when you actually don't).

64. Offer to teach him how to ride Kagome's bike.

65. Jump up and down on top of him if Kagome makes him sit.

66. All of the above.

* * *

**Laura:** (laughing so hard she's crying)

**Fullmetalshadowwolf:**Finally, it's over! Thank god…

**Laura:** It's not over yet! We still have to do Kagome and Miroku and Sango and Shippo and Naraku and Kikyo and Koga and…

**Fullmetalshadowwolf:** No! My brain hurts! Gah…

**Laura:** Btw, my favourites are numbers 56, 57, 58, 61 and 62! Please come back next time!

**Fullmetalshadowwolf:** Or else Edwa- I mean _InuYasha _will getchu!!!!!!!!!!!!


	2. Chapter 2: If you meet Kagome

**Laura:** Yo! We are back!

**Fullmetalshadowwolf:** And ready for action!

**Laura:** This time round, it's Kagome!

**Fullmetalshadowwolf:** So, whatever you do,

**Laura/**** Fullmetalshadowwolf:** DON'T TRY THESE!

* * *

If you ever meet Kagome, for the love of God, DON'T EVER…

1. Tie-dye her school uniform.

2. Put Glad-Wrap over the Bone Eater's Well.

3. Steal her study notes.

4. Scribble on her Math books.

5. Fill her supply bag with bricks.

6. Steal the Shikon Jewel Shard and replace it with a broken pink marble.

7. Ask her if she's caught up with Kikyo lately.

8. Ask her if she's confessed her love to Miroku yet.

9. Insist that Shippo is more of a man than InuYasha.

10. Cut her school skirt shorter.

11. Smear honey on her bow.

12. Replace her arrows with breadsticks.

13. Tell her that there's a demon attacking her school.

14. Write a fake love letter from InuYasha.

15. Stalk her on the way home from school.

16. Tell her friends all about her two-timing, half-demon boyfriend.

17. While you're at it, mention that he has a cute, aristocratic older brother.

18. Tell InuYasha that she's in danger during the middle of her Math Exam.

19. Break her alarm clock.

20. Steal InuYasha's Tetsuaiga and hide it under her pillow.

21. Tell her that you saw InuYasha making out with Kikyo last night.

22. Keep her up all night before a test.

23. Call her Kags.

24. Call her Kikyo.

25. Invite Hojo over to her house.

26. Push Hojo down the well to see if he travels through.

27. If he doesn't, get Kagome to pay his medical bills.

28. Play a game with InuYasha called 'Let's find the Ramen in Kagome's room.'

29. Tell her to go on a diet.

30. Tell her Kikyo's way prettier than her.

31. Dress up as Kikyo for kicks.

32. Invite her family to the feudal era.

33. Get Sota to invite InuYasha over for a sleepover.

34. Invite Kagome's friends over on the same night.

35. When she completes the Shikon Jewel, 'accidently' drop it in a river.

36. Or give it to Naraku.

37. Or break it again.

38. Super glue her shoes to the floor.

39. Set her hair alight when she's sleeping.

40. Blame InuYasha and tell her that he was playing with her matches.

41. Tell Hojo that she died from some serious disease (like cancer).

42. Tell InuYasha that she died because Kikyo killed her.

43. Tell Kikyo that Kagome killed InuYasha.

44. Tell Kagome that _Kikyo_ killed InuYasha.

45. Video-tape the fight that would happen afterwards and post it on YouTube.

46. Teach InuYasha to make paper planes by using the pages from her Math books.

47. Encourage InuYasha to sleep on her bed.

48. When she cooks lunch, ask for Ramen instead.

49. Ask if she has anything in her wardrobe besides her school uniform.

50. Tell her that Koga called and that he wants to duel InuYasha, with her as the prize.

51. Ask her if InuYasha has proposed to her yet.

52. Kick her if she refuses to bear InuYasha's child.

53. All of the above.

* * *

**Laura:** Yay! Funny funny funny!

**Fullmetalshadowwolf:** I love writing these. It's so fun making fun of people! Mwahahahaha!

**Laura:** Oy, don't turn evil on us, k? This is a G-rated story.

**Fullmetalshadowwolf:** Aww! But evil's fun! He he he…

**Laura:** I hope you'll join us for the next chapter!

**Fullmetalshadowwolf:** (nods) Yeah! Miroku's up next! Mwahaha…

**Laura:** No evilness!!

**Fullmetalshadowwolf:** Gah…

**Laura:** Oh yeah! My favourites this chapter is definately 2 (that's my favourite favourite), 6, 20, 28, 35, 36 and 37! Cya l8r, nya!


End file.
